Late last night, our daughter was moved to a private room. She is still confined to her bed. They will do another C.T. scan Tuesday, at that point they will determine if the blood clots are assimilating into her system as they have been hoping. When we arrived at the hospital this morning (Sat.), she was in a fetal position, not interested in talking...broke our hearts. By this evening, after a bath, given by wonderful care-givers at the hospital, and the arrival of some beautiful flower arrangements, her spirits were up a bit...it was good to see the little gleem in her eye once again.
I've been there so many other times, when it was someone else's daughter, and really thought I knew empathy....honey, ain't no way, 'til you've been there.
Keep praying, our daughter suffers with clinical depression (as do I), and this has been very hard on her, but as I said, this evening she was smiling...in spite of the bed pan!
Tonight, Anne is staying at our daughter and son-in-laws place with the Scottish Deerhounds, so our son-in-law can stay at the hospital with Nicole, so, I'm here with our dogs and 4 parrots. The alone time has given me time to think of the many times I've sat with families really believing I knew what they felt....what an awakening. I've tried to sleep, and I see pictures of my Nicole as a small child, vulnerable, completely dependant on me and her mother, now she is completely dependent on another, our Gracious and Merciful Mother/Father God. We feel completely helpless. I guess that is where our God wants us, completely dependant on God.
Frankly, my dear ones, not a fun lesson to learn.
I've got two services facing me in the morning, and never, never, in almost 30 years of pastoring have I faced a congregation without a thought completely written out in front of me. Tomorrow I will mount those pulpits empty handed, heart in hand.
I'm going to finish a glass of wine, and once again try to go to sleep, trusting in God's mercy.
Thanks again for your prayers, thank you for your support in my living the life my choices have made. Vern
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