[Jamie McDaniel]

Dear JRB,

From reading your well thought-out post twice, I think you've probably already made your decision and now you just need some encouragement from some people who have been there.

Originally Posted by JRB

My questions are these:
Am I just being selfish by wanting to tell them?

No. One's desire to live an authentic life is a positive, not a negative human longing. For a very long time, there have been powerful forces in society that have worked to push lesbian, gay, bisexual, and trangender people into closets of shame and secrecy. It is our fear that keeps us there, but it is our integrity and spirit that works to get us out of those closets.

Now I suppose there could be an element of selfishness in the way we come out. But it would have to be pretty outlandish before I would call it such. On the other hand, heterosexuals who don't yet understand GLBT people seem eager to criticize our coming out. "Why did you have to tell people she was your girlfriend? Why couldn't you just say she was your friend?" Or "Well, I just don't see why you felt the need to send your whole family a letter announcing your homosexuality." Or "Did you really have to say you were gay in that conversation? Now you get to go home after the holidays, but I'm left to deal with what the neighbors think."

When we are faced with such disapproving comments, we just need to try and keep in mind that they are responding out of their fear -- the very same fear that worked to keep us in our closets. Fear and misinformation are the enemy here, not the people who are in bondage to the fear and misinformation.

Originally Posted by JRB

Would we all be better off, and would they be happier, not knowing?

There is a saying: Ignorance is bliss. However, I don't think that saying came from Gandhi, Dr. King, Jesus, the Jewish prophets, or anyone else who sought truth and freedom for people.

Originally Posted by JRB

Does anyone out there regret coming out to members of their family?

It is a challenge to come out to people who might not be accepting, especially family. Planning and thinking about it can be a real source of discomfort. However after you come out, you will feel like a great burden has been lifted.

After coming out to my immediate family in 2001, I waited 2 years to tell my aunts, uncles, grandmother, and cousins. Some were accepting, others had trouble with it. In the conversation I had with my grandmother, she said that I was ok with her. Six months later, my lovely grandmother passed away.

The only regret I have ever had about coming out is not having come out sooner.

Originally Posted by JRB

Is there anything at all I can do to make it easier on them if I do?

I just read an quote by Dotti Berry from this thread:
http://www.soulforce.org/forums/showthread.php?t=73

Dotti and her partner, Roby, are on a journey called "Gay Into Straight America." Here is what she wrote:

Originally Posted by DottiBerry

Our intention is to engage minds, not change minds. Creating authentic connections leads to dissolving differences that separate us, as we share stories with people who are wrestling with their understanding of GLBT, queer and questioning persons.

I think that is a good thought to keep in mind. Also, let go of the results of your coming out. Despite our efforts, we cannot control the results of our coming out.

Blessings to you, JRB!