Originally Posted by NathanATX
You MUST learn to set strong boundaries with your family or anyone who might take advantage of their relationship with you in order to cause you emotional/mental/spiritual harm.
My mother is extremely fundamentalist. She literally burned my younger brother's Harry Potter book she found... the one he had checked out from the library... because she is so afraid of witchcraft.
She has been incredibly emotionally violent towards me because of my sexuality. She has literally been emotionally and mentally abusive.
Thats what it is, ABUSE. Call the shit what it is. And don't let them get away with it.
My mom does not have permission to say anything about my sexuality UNLESS I agree to the conversation. She is not allowed to ask me to edit my conversations about my life/dates/friends/etc. on her behalf. If she wants to be "mom" for me, then I absolutely insist that she act with the decency and love any sane, loving mother should act with. If she's not willing to do so, I have NO PROBLEM cutting her out of my life. While that might seem drastic, and I have done that for periods of time, it's actually quite compassionate.
She has to realize that what she has done is unloving, unChristian, abusive and unkind. It is hideously ugly. Shine the light of truth on the words & behaviors. Make them public. Make others know what they are doing and saying.
By not setting clear boundaries, you are giving them permission to do/say whatever they feel like. You're saying, that in fact, you're not sure if you're really right about all this.
And we both know that's b.s.
You're worth more than the universe in God's eyes. Remind your parents and family of this when they forget it.
This is one helluva good rant, Nate!
And you're absolutely right.
It never ceases to amaze me how many family members out there somehow feel that our
homosexuality is something we do to them
. Such is their self-centeredness and sense of entitlement that they cannot see anything beyond their own assumptions about, well, just about everything. And this can happen in violent and obvious ways or very subtle ways.
Harvey Fierstein's scene with Anne Bancroft towards the end of Torch Song Trilogy
sums it up best for me. I can't find the quote online, but it goes something like: the only things I require from people are love and respect...and anyone who cannot give me those two things has no place in my life.