Again, thank you.
I don't think I am beating myself up, really. My brain understands why I did what I did. My emotions are getting better, playing catch up. My family, well, they have not had their whole lives to deal with this so I need to be patient. I don't really have any contact with my sons, 26 and 28, by their choice. It's just as well right now. I opened the door to let them vent and they did and I finally said enough so now they don't want anything to do with me. My wife is different. Yes we are still together seeing if we can "make it work." No, I am not in a relationship with a man and haven't been with a guy for a year...a record for me. It's nice being here (at soulforce) because I have a balance that I have never had before, i.e., people who accept me for who I am and don't consider me "broken." That really helps to not be alone because that's where the stupid behavior comes from, being alone, isolated. I agree that the 'church' has done a lot of damage by criminalizing gay relationships...it actually becomes a self fulfilling item. By calling what is natural for gays unnatural and wrong, gays often end up going about relationship in unhealthy ways and hiding. I won't go back there, I'm through with lies and cheating in order to accomodate someones beliefs.