Originally Posted by paul
Again, thank you.
I don't think I am beating myself up, really. My brain understands why I did what I did. My emotions are getting better, playing catch up. My family, well, they have not had their whole lives to deal with this so I need to be patient. I don't really have any contact with my sons, 26 and 28, by their choice. It's just as well right now. I opened the door to let them vent and they did and I finally said enough so now they don't want anything to do with me. My wife is different. Yes we are still together seeing if we can "make it work." No, I am not in a relationship with a man and haven't been with a guy for a year...a record for me. It's nice being here (at soulforce) because I have a balance that I have never had before, i.e., people who accept me for who I am and don't consider me "broken." That really helps to not be alone because that's where the stupid behavior comes from, being alone, isolated. I agree that the 'church' has done a lot of damage by criminalizing gay relationships...it actually becomes a self fulfilling item. By calling what is natural for gays unnatural and wrong, gays often end up going about relationship in unhealthy ways and hiding. I won't go back there, I'm through with lies and cheating in order to accomodate someones beliefs.
Are you really happy with your wife? I know there is more to marriage than just sex, but that has to be difficult for you considering your admission that you are gay. If you feel more comfortable answering this in a private message, please feel free. If you don't feel comfortable of course you don't have to share this with me at all. I would totally understand. I have a dear friend of mine who is married with 3 boys in his 50's who is gay and has had a really hard time being faithful to his wife, whom he admits he does not love, but staying with her for convenience and not wanting to disrupt the family, but he is markedly miserable, and I feel for him.
I know this has to be hard for you and if you feel comfortable discussing it, I am here. I care about you and want you to be happy.
Your sons, if they love you, will ultimately come around, I hope. How long has it been since you told them you were gay?