Feel free to yell at me if you feel my exchanges with pnggrad are not germane to your original intent? I believe we are discussing "estrangement" here, but it may be off the mark of your purpose for this thread. Please tell me if this offends and we'll make it private?
I guess I could read Mel's book. I guess I and many here could have written it also (though I for one, I am sure, could not have written it as well). My point is, I think my identity is pretty intact, it's just what to do with it. When my identity was not intact, I married and established a relationship. My situation, as you note, differs from Mels. My wife is still a brand of Christian that believes I am "broken." She wants to remain married. If I left, she would cut all ties not remain friends because to her way of thinking "leaving" would mean just that. It's very black and white for her. Simply put, I am asking myself: "what would love do?" I have to phrase it that way since I no longer believe I can figure out WWJD.
It's not as simple as whether or not I am "happy being married." I cannot decide on my own, with no input from her, what is best for my wife, nor can she for me. But I can only address my end and that's what I am attempting to do, rather than just bolt and try to escape a rough situation. It's not cut and dried.