Kenneth,
Feel free to yell at me if you feel my exchanges with pnggrad are not germane to your original intent? I believe we are discussing "estrangement" here, but it may be off the mark of your purpose for this thread. Please tell me if this offends and we'll make it private?
pnggrad,
I guess I could read Mel's book. I guess I and many here could have written it also (though I for one, I am sure, could not have written it as well). My point is, I think my identity is pretty intact, it's just what to do with it. When my identity was not intact, I married and established a relationship. My situation, as you note, differs from Mels. My wife is still a brand of Christian that believes I am "broken." She wants to remain married. If I left, she would cut all ties not remain friends because to her way of thinking "leaving" would mean just that. It's very black and white for her. Simply put, I am asking myself: "what would love do?" I have to phrase it that way since I no longer believe I can figure out WWJD.
It's not as simple as whether or not I am "happy being married." I cannot decide on my own, with no input from her, what is best for my wife, nor can she for me. But I can only address my end and that's what I am attempting to do, rather than just bolt and try to escape a rough situation. It's not cut and dried.