Knowing and Knowing
I believe there is knowing and then there is knowing- a big difference- if you will.
In my case, I was attracted to men when I was young- a 4th grade teacher comes to mind -Mr. Casper- but I certainly didn't think of myself as gay- that word wasn't part of my world yet. It was only later, after hearing snatches of conversations from other kids, that I realized that what I was experiencing was outside the 'norm'. I shut down at that point- wanting to fit in.
After years of hiding my feelings from myself and others- easy to do during my adolescence in the church- I had graduated from my Alma Mater (Evangel College) and was sitting in a service there when I found myself locking eyes with a current student. Voila. That 4th grad feeling was right there waiting for me. That's when I really, really knew. I wrestled with it, pushed it away, pushed him away.
I often wonder what became of him- the one who woke me up and gave me back to myself.
His name was Doug.
Be the love you seek.
Last edited by Daniel; 04-09-2006 at 09:26 PM.