[Daniel]

I believe there is knowing and then there is knowing- a big difference- if you will.

In my case, I was attracted to men when I was young- a 4th grade teacher comes to mind -Mr. Casper- but I certainly didn't think of myself as gay- that word wasn't part of my world yet. It was only later, after hearing snatches of conversations from other kids, that I realized that what I was experiencing was outside the 'norm'. I shut down at that point- wanting to fit in.

After years of hiding my feelings from myself and others- easy to do during my adolescence in the church- I had graduated from my Alma Mater (Evangel College) and was sitting in a service there when I found myself locking eyes with a current student. Voila. That 4th grad feeling was right there waiting for me. That's when I really, really knew. I wrestled with it, pushed it away, pushed him away.

I often wonder what became of him- the one who woke me up and gave me back to myself.

His name was Doug.