Originally Posted by pnggrad79
I am wide awake, because I can't go to sleep. 16 yo daughter just confessed to wife and I that she had sex with her bf this past summer and then the jerk promptly broke up with her breaking her heart and she has been carrying this around since August, and was afraid to tell me. I am more concerned for her than anything, and mad at this young man that he saw fit to take advantage of my daughter then ditch her like a piece of trash. Damn sure it meant more to her than him....
She was afraid that I would think differently of her. I said if she could swallow me being a lesbian, I could manage to swallow her having sex but cautioned her not to give her heart away so easily to boys who only want one thing and then walk away.
I talked to her about safe sex and so I don't worry about STDs, or unwanted pregnancies, but the heartache she carries is just devastating. He had another girlfriend two weeks later.
What a wonderful parent you are, PNG! everything you said and did was EXACTLY the right thing to say and do. Even at 16 when they try to act like what you think isn't important and they couldn't care less... even then... your good opinion is the most important thing. that you were affirming and loving rather than judgemental and punishing in this time of heartache is something that she will carry with her for her WHOLE LIFE!
Having experienced hurt, shame, humiliation and finally GRACE you can bet that she will make better choices in the future. She is an older and wiser person than she was 6 months ago and because of your excellent parenting she is in a position to assimilate that wisdom and experience.
Once when I was about twelve, my dad caught me in a bold faced lie. I dissolved into tears. I felt like a total, worthless wretch and like I had totally ruined the trusting relationship I had with him. He put his arm around me and hugged me close and told me that all of us, at one time or another do things that we are ashamed of. We just ask forgiveness and move on. He helped me get ready for school and sent me out the door with another hug.
I didn't get spanked or grounded or even yelled at ... just hugged, but I believe that I am the basically honest person that I am because of that experience.