I don't know your situation or your wife. Therefore, it would be presumptive of me to prescribe what I think should happen with your marriage. This has to be your decision, because only you know the intimate details. I sense your incredible struggle here. I believe that you love your wife, and I also believe that it would cause a tremendous strain on your marriage should you come out with your attraction to men. I don't know if your wife thinks that it is a phase or a passing fancy you have and that she will ultimately win.
I was married to a man for 19 years and fell in love with a woman, but because of my fundamentalist upbringing I denied my attraction and deep feeling for this woman. For 12 years I ran away. It was miserable. I fought it like everything. I prayed, begged, pleaded for God to take it away from me. I was married and had two little girls for heaven's sake, I couldn't be a lesbian!!! Finally, after wrestling and fighting for years, I finally came out to God and He told me to stop struggling. There was nothing to struggle over.
, the only choice was to divorce and follow my heart. It was the only way I could be authentic to who I was and how God created me to be. For me
, to stay in a marriage to a man when I was in love with a woman, was a complete lie and it wasn't fair to him or me. My daughters understood and chose to live with me and my now wife.(we got married in Canada in 2004)
I can tell you, from my perspective
, it was the best move I ever made, not without its problems, but if I had to do it over again, I would, many times. In fact, I would have come out sooner than I did. I spent way too much time struggling with this, when I didn't need to.
Again, I don't know your situation. Only you can make any determination about what you should do. My prayers are with you and your family. Whatever decision you make, we will support you and pray for you.