Hmmmm who said that?
Don't let fear keep you from making the changes. I feel that you are growing out of the abused martyr stage similar to What I did. The Future has its challenges and its rewards. Looking back and especially going backward wont go on long even if you do. The stream of time pushes you forward without stopping. You are growing spiritually. You may even find yourself doing something completely different, Like waiting tables, and loving the novelty of a completely different way of making a living, of making friends with people who like you because
you are gay from the start!
You might at a moment realize: How can I ever go back! I can't fit all that I am back into that tiny dark eggshell! I'm real! I'm alive! and I'm making it on my own terms!