I know it is a scary, scary, place to be trying to reconcile your sexuality with your spirituality. Especially, when you have been taught all your life that it is wrong. Believe me, I have discovered that many, many things that I grew up with and were sure that they were correct, have since been dismantled as God revealed His truth to me. I encourage you to let go of the religious chains that bind you, and let God speak to you, because He doesn't condemn. (There is now therefore no condemnation
to them who love the Lord) He didn't come down off the cross and refuse to die for you, because you're gay. He loves you, He longs for a relationship with you and more than anything He wants to give you an abundant life(John 10:10). Abundant lives don't include doubt, fear, misery, or discontent.The last thing satan wants is for a gay person to be free. He wants you to stay stuck in the mire of self-judgment and condemnation. Don't mistake that for God. God does not judge and he does not condemn. As a child of God, your sins were paid for on the cross when Jesus died. Your judgment is over, Jesus took care of it for you. If you can get to a bookstore, or off Amazon you need to read Mel White's biography,"Stranger At The Gate". It was the first book I read when I came out and it helped me through a very rough time. This wonderful man struggled for years with his sexuality and finally let go of the struggle and decided to live as a gay man when he started listening to God and not man. Also, Philip Yancey's book, "What's So Amazing About Grace?" is a good one. Mr. Yancey is a good friend of Mel White and he wrote a whole chapter on Mel's journey and his viewpoint of it in the book. God Bless you, Big Cheese. I hope this helps. We will pray for you.