I wish I could toss you a handful of the security I feel in the Lord's love - but no one can do that. That is part of your personal journey and personal relationship with God.
All I can think of to say now is Hang In There! Here's something to try, if you feel inclined, if you are an intuitive type, it might appeal to you:
Surrender to the insecurity and uncertainty just long enough to get to a place where you are receptive, and then spend some time ALL BY YOURSELF in prayer and contemplation. Do not allow other people - and that includes us, btw, well-meaning as we are - to influence you at that moment. Go as deeply into your heart as you can go, sink down into the life-force and love that is in there. If you find that peace, that love, (sometimes you will just find that your surface emotions intensify, and that's okay, just try again later) - if you find that peace, then sit with it and listen for a while. If you have a question, give the question to God at that moment, and then just wait, observing what happens within you.
It's easy to go round in endless intellectual/philosophical circles about being gay, and whether that means something special in your relationship with God. Remember that it's all intellectual - and when you're tired of it, do something to short-circuit the circular thought patterns. Get involved in some of your other interests/passions, and just let life play out the way it will. Trust that whatever you feel is okay to feel - life itself gave you the capacity to feel, to love, to enjoy. . .
Let us know if we can help some more. Meanwhile, wishing you strength and peace.
Big hugs.
Zerbie
