[Daniel]

Hi Jen,

Welcome to the forum.

What you write about regarding your parents is something I have dealt with myself. And while every situation is different, this is what I have learned in dealing with the issue of being gay, biblical matters and my parents/family.

Know that your can't change their minds. Only they can do that. And only if they are open to doing that. How to open up avenues for dialogue?

Oddly enough, sometimes the best thing to do is to be indirect, especially if you don't have a history of discussing things with your parents. You'll need to build on the communication that is already there.

So- what does this mean in real terms?

The more you are your own person and do not need your parents approval, the better things will be for you.

What did I do that helped me?

I turned things around. Being from a family where my parents never said "I love you", I started saying that to them. We don't talk about being gay very often, but my loving them had a huge impact over the years. And it did take years in my case. But we now have a relationship that we didn't have while I was growing up. And having them 'get' the whole issue is less important to me now. Do they 'get' it? As much as those who are of their generation can (my parents are in their 80's).

The methods of nonviolence can be a help to you here. I would suggest giving your parents the love and regard/acceptance you would want them to give to you. In the process, you will be giving to yourself what you want from them. And this will free you to be yourself and free them to be themselves. Good things can only come out of this.

When I first came out, I gave my parents books and literature. They rejected all that because they weren't ready, their hearts weren't open. That's what you have to work on. It's not facts that will help them, but love and connection. One practical thing that may help them is putting them in contact with those their own age who have gay kids and accept them. But this can be hard to do if your parents are conservative and closed minded. They won't want to meet anyone like that.

Again- love them. In the end, that is what we all want.