Hi Ningmom, I love your posts. They are very readable. And I LOVE that you are here and an ally. We all have our own processes and time frames, but you are here, you are compassion and love. And you are interesting to boot!
I try to keep in mind 'it's their process too' in regards to some family who would prefer not to have anything to do with me. I haven't seen my father in over 8 months, because my stepmom can hardly stand to have me in her house. My wife is completely not welcome. I haven't seen my niece and nephew in probably going on 3 years now, because my wife and I are not welcome in my sister's home or around her children. I have an aunt who no longer talks to me (actually I refuse to talk to her because of the ugliness of her words to me), and I just recently ceased speaking with her uncle because of his condemning me to hell (for voting no on Prop 8). There are others. But I have more family and friends that support and love me no matter what. it doesn't make the hurt go away, but it certainly helps to keep it on a manageable level.