Originally Posted by BruceChris
when you just be yourself, relax and enjoy being the happiest and best person that you can, some people [U]will[U] like you. You will
find out who your real friends are. You can learn and grow, and encourage those around you just to be themselves and do likewise. Peace and Love, BruceChris
Selectivity. I talk about this with friends sometimes. If you are authentic and open, letting people see who you really are, a funny thing happens. Those who don't like what they see don't approach much. Those who *do* approach have done so seeing how and who you are, and they are there because they like the real you. I call it, letting life select out those who want to be around you, your real friends, from those who can't or won't be.
Had an interesting chat about this with a colleague last autumn. He was asking me how I could be so open, what if people don't like it. I shrugged and said, "What if they don't?" He: "Well, I guess those people would stay away from you, so you wouldn't have to worry about being with false friends. everyone you hang out with would be someone you really like, and feel really comfortable with." I nodded & smiled. Then he said, "I can't do that - I'm not as strong as you. It's just too painful to be rejected." he told me he will "never" stop trying to protect himself in the eyes of others because it would be too painful otherwise.
But the thing is, living this way is LESS painful.
TO get back to the quote, yes I like it too. I like to be seen as I am. If someone "loves" me for something I"m not, then there was a serious breakdown somewhere: either I put on a false front and deceived someone, in which case I am wasting energy putting on a facade, or that other person has made an incorrect assumption about who I am and "loves" his assumption, which is in reality his own mind or imagination.
It comes back to whether or not you are seen as you are. There are two parts to that. Allowing the average person to perceive who you are to some degree. To some degree that's our job, to simply be what we are, authentically, without layering our personalities and habits with efforts to be something else. And second, it is the other guy's job to be open enough to perceive you, and not his own thoughts about you.