[Daniel]

What a harrowing story.

My partner and I have been involved in a legal dispute, that being the classic gay problem of a will that was almost broken by a surviving family member after the death of my husband's mentor. Luckily, that person did not prevail in court. But we went through 4 years of hell.

It sounds like you have some idea of what you want out of the situation personally, that is, a formal apology. A well-written letter from a lawyer might be helpful in this regard if the threat (and one has to be ready to back one's words up) of legal action is implied.

You might find Lambda Legal Defense helpful- at least in terms of how to navigiate the matter legally- statute of limitations and all that. I believe they have a help-line. At least that's a start if you decide to pursue legal action. Though, having been through a court case, I encourage you to settle the matter by non-legal means if at all possible.

Now that you are 'on with your life', you'll need to think about the time and effort- psychic as well as monetary- that will have to go into it. Based on the counsel you get, you'll have to weight the matter carefully. As they say: justice is blind. Getting the facts first and then deciding how to proceed with them may be the most important factor: there is the matter of the paper trail. Courts place a high degree of emphasis on this.

Do you have the means to prove your case?

In the meanwhile, I agree with Nathan: there is nothing like telling you story. Only you can do that.