Originally Posted by Matt Algren
Joking aside, I feel bad for him. He's between a rock and a hard place here. Go one way and lose everybody he hasn't already lost. Go the other and quietly live in shame. It's a sad state of affairs.
I do feel like he is fooling himself, and no-body but himself in the end. It is a sad state of affairs- seeing that it seems like he did have more than one daliance. Affairs plural! Acting out all over the place!
It is still possible for him to get things together and live as a gay man in the world. And be happy. It really is. All is really needs to do is deal with all the religious crap
in his head that tells him otherwise.
But he seems to be playing the same old game over and over again, trying to get the same result. Things will only change for him when he starts to question his assumptions about God, sex and the devil.
Addendum: from a writer who has seen the documentary that is coming out (ha!) this week.
Haggard is not letting his struggles shake his faith in God, nor is Gayle the least regretful about her decision to marry Ted. I find this wholly admirable. Less admirable is the worldview they cling to, one that sees homosexuality as something to be avoided at all costs. Though it's clear that his much-publicized attempt to "pray the gay away" was less than a resounding success for Haggard, and he now considers his sexuality to be a complex matter, nothing he says to Pelosi challenges the conservative evangelical credo of hetero today, hetero tomorrow, hetero forever.
Why are we not surprised?
Making something of a redirect here, this situation- and those like it- remind me of an observation made by the Hindus in their sacred texts. They note that the mind has two essential actions, being either attracted
to or repelled
towards from an object. True equanimity, it seems, is learning to find balance between the two.
Hard to do when one's belief system is skewed. When one's very nature is considered flawed, sinful, and worthy of condemnation.
Where is the love in that?