Originally Posted by NathanATX
I think a lot of times, we have or "know" the answers to our own problems... without being aware of them.
Asking open-ended questions is maybe a more effective way to help people pull out of the "yes, but" way of communicating. Help them see that they can create their own peace/direction/wisdom, etc...
How would you advise someone to avoid this situation?
What could you to do have more peace about what happened?
What do you wish you had done differently? Are you going to do that next time?
my friend who works in domestic violence told me that she has encountered this with battered women, and gotten sucked into the "yes, but" game. And she's well-trained in the stuff! Open-ended questions are one way of dealing with it. An example she told me about (after she was totally exasperated with the client) was to finally say to her "You came here expecting some kind of help. What did you think would happen by coming here? What would you like to see happen?"
awediot: a true examination of the options wouldn't necessarily mean that someone is playing the game. People who engage in this behavior really do shoot down every idea that comes their way. When those who are trying to help, lose their patience, then the person can move on to the next game such as "why is this happening to me?" or "kick me."