I lived in Buffalo for 3 years while I went to law school. I remember it being very divided along race and class lines -- I know exactly what you are talking about. I've lived in a few places where race and class is an issue (NYC and now here in Georgia), but for some reason Buffalo seemed to suffer from division in a more extreme way than any other place I've lived. I'm not a sociologist, so I can only surmise the reasons. I wasn't very happy living in Western NY, but I sure enjoyed the easy access to Toronto, which I thought was a fabulous city.
My prayers are with you.
I hope that your bf will be fully accepted into your church, and that both of you will be welcomed with the grace and love you so richly deserve.
Susan