I don't know the nature of your problems with meditation right now, so this may not be pertinent, but...
I used to have regular bouts of what I called "existential anxiety." This had nothing to do with my faith...at least in terms of the normal topics here like sexuality, God's love, self-appreciation, etc... I think it was part of my isolation, and part of my intense contemplation of the nature of my being and Reality. These "storms" of anxiety were almost always preceded by nightmares of tornados by about two weeks, and at their worst, I felt like my life was absolute nothingness...worthless...like I was an insignificant speck lost in the vastness of the cosmos. Long nights writhing in my sheets in the most excruciating pain, and sometimes feeling...sensing...the corners of reality lifting just the tiniest bit, and glimpsing...impossibly...the immensity of all that is behind EVERYTHING. There was no way to comprehend or deal with what I felt. On the cusp of sanity, thinking only how meaningless...meaningless...meaningless it all was.
I haven't experienced these moments in a long while. Their subsiding coincided...as most good things in my life...with leaving my 20s behind me. Among the many good things that have also come into my life are an incredible comfort with myself and security in being on my own, an increasing confidence in my vocational security and a comfort in the insecurity of my vocation. I'm less troubled by the storms of politics and hysteria in the world. I'm much more intimate with the divine, and have something that is, quite frankly beyond faith...a surety that is more like having seen, touched, and walked in the realms that are usually only guessed and hoped at.
I think this is the first time I've tried to articulate this. It is not a solution to your current dillemma, but take heart! Your soul's dark night will have its morning. Good things are happening within you, though the growth may be painful. How exciting! Wondering at all of the beauties you will become! And all of the strength that will come to you. It is an auspicious time in your life. Do not lose heart!
