[tymejumper]

Zerbie,
Thankyou for your understanding and words of wisdom.

I can not resolve in myself, personally, why a person would go outside of themselves to try to take more things from me because of who I love. Why they would wish to put my life in danger with their lies. How can they say they are Christian? I hear about these types of things and I cry. It hurts me that someone can hate me so much when I am a law abiding citizen, I am a good and caring person, I pay my taxes and I take care of their loved ones and get them back home, I am good enough for that, good enough to be used by them, but I am still not good enough to be given a bit of respect. I am struggling with my anger and sadness to the point I am honestly considering going back for a few therapy sessions to work things through.

My co-workers said they could see me chained up to the White House doors wearing a tie dye shirt and protesting. It's true. I guess I would have been one of the first ones out of Stonewall bar during the police raid to fight. I am actually very self centered and mellow in personality. I take alot before I get angry, but I am angry for awhile once I do get to that point. I tend to not be very forgiving once I am there. Not one of my best quailties, but one I realize that is inherently me. I have meditated on it often.

My wife says it all takes time and just shruggs, saying I will get there soon enough with acceptance. I reminded her that even Jesus Christ got to that point and threw all the rich preachers out of the temple in anger.

A person can turn the other cheek and take the high road, but a human being only has 4 cheeks. You run out of patience and understanding and build up a healthy dose of anger. People say to not go down to their level, but you can't act honorably with someone who will stop at nothing to take everything from you. They are in the gutter and sometimes you have to go down there to get the point across about what they are doing.

I have joined with a small group here in the Grand Rapids area of like minded people who wish to change things for LGBT people. We have all emailed others to hit WOOD-TV site and send letters, I would like to believe that we made a difference. We also have done several protests that have been covered by the local news stations here. I have fired off letter after letter to the press editorials, and had them all published, but I do not know if they really make a difference except for the oppourtunity to vent my spleen a bit.

I only know that there is nothing wrong, or sinful or against God as anyone would understand him/her, with me being gay and I am not about to act ashamed for who I am or love.

Much Metta