Quote:
Originally Posted by BenL
Second aside: I thank God daily that he made me gay. I'll try to unpack what that means to me if you want.
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For years I fought the idea that I was gay on two levels: socially, I didn't want to be gay, I wanted to be "normal"; spiritually (morally?), I didn't want to be gay, because I thought God didn't want me to be gay.
Over a period of time, I came to understand that being gay was central to who I am. It isn't the only thing that defines me, but my definition is incomplete without it. When I first accepted that, I railed against God for making me gay. I wallowed in a bit of self-pity, poor me. I left the church and thumbed my nose at God.
But I never was able to get God out from under my skin.
Then it started to occur to me that maybe God wanted me to be the way I am. All of me, including being gay. Naaah ... but hold on. That would make a lot more sense for me. I wouldn't have to wage war against myself anymore. That's one advantage. Were there others?
Frankly, yes. The suffering that comes with being gay -- and I don't mean to be a drama queen here -- means that I am more sensitive to outcasts and people who are put down, having experienced both of those realities. It means I'm able to see the face of God in more human faces than the ones who dictate who's Christian and who isn't.
It was a short step, in thinking if not in accepting, to acknowledging that being gay can be a God-given strength and not a burden. And for that, I thank God every day.
Those who don't see God as being so involved in my struggle would probably call it growing up and coming to a full sense of myself as a human being. They're right, too. We all have to deal with the life we're given.