Originally Posted by antiochian
Hello and blessings to all. For several months, things have been really crazy in my life. Depression has been crippling me over the last few months, to where I can hardly function. My grades are affected as well. I'm set to graduate in December, and need to get my butt in gear preparing for graduate school. This is no time for me to be falling apart! I am not one to often talk about my issues, but I have found myself reaching out more and more to others over the months as I feel myself sinking lower.
To top it all off, I took the step of writing a long letter to a guy I really like, pouring my heart out to him, only to discover he's not interested. I'm trying to remain hopeful in all of this, but it's hard. I am gradually becoming a zombie, and that scares me. I've been officially diagnosed with major depression.
I see from previous postings I'm not alone in emotional struggles, and I lift those in similar circumstances up in my thoughts. I ask for your prayers and good thoughts at this time.
I went through periods of depression in 1972, 1974, 1976, and 1997. They weren't pleasant.
Here's an entry into my journal from 1997:
Today is Saturday, March 23rd, 1997.
It's an absolutely gorgeous day outside and I'm all alone inside with no one to share the day with. I have hit rock bottom this weekend. I feel like a complete failure in life. All my relationships have failed. I'm 45 years old and I'm making $28,000 a year. I've been turned down for a customer service position and have been rejected by a man who I once thought we had potential for companionship. I have very little money and had to borrow money from Mom to get my chimney fixed that the city says MUST be repaired in sixty days. Life really sucks right now. I long for the good times.
(What I didn't realize I was doing was comparing myself to other people and where I thought a 45 year old man should be in life. That's what caused my depression. When I finally stopped doing that the depression went away.)
Here's an entry I wrote just last week:
Today is Sunday, April 12, 2009.
I just got back from spending the afternoon with the family and I'm sitting here on my front porch. It's around 6:35 in the late afternoon and the sun is moving towards the horizon but there's still plenty of sunshine and clear blue sky on this gorgeous Easter Sunday. Today has been one of the most beautiful Easters I can remember in a long time. The rain on Good Friday made the lawns a brilliant green and the tree buds a pastel. There are azaleas, dogwoods, daffodils, and tulips everywhere. The birds are singing and the neighborhood kids are playing. A father is walking down the sidewalk with his young daughter on his shoulders.
There's a great book that might help you titled, "The New Psychology of Overcoming Depression," by Julian L. Simon. It's easy to read and gives details of how negative thoughts and self-comparison causes a lot of depression. I don't know if it will help but you might want to check it out.
Also, you might want to think about keeping a journal. I've been writing in my journal off and on since January 1967 and it helps to keep things in perspective.
Anyway, good luck and keep us posted of your situation.