[awediot]

There you are! I couldn't believe you hadn't posted in a month... I chalked it up your traveling (which I read a blurb about somewhere)... but guess not... You, Jen and Emproph (WHO'S BEEN IGNORING ME!!! ) Were the three I most wanted to see...so, cool. I really hope your doing great and life is good...

Originally Posted by Zerbie

Hello again, old friend.

If it is not too personal for you to share, would you consider telling us about the nature of the blinding flash and what it was that caused such a sea change in your perception? Why it meant what it did?

I will...I think I have around here somewhere...but it is a long story (more a testimonial), so give it time... Suffice it say for now that I realized I was doing exactly what the Bible vehemently warned about, and my life reflected it. I didn't like what I saw, nor really have any ground for what I was trying so hard to make true. Christ drew an uncompromisable line which singled Him out from any other religion we'd seen before, and I was trying to blur it; just like He said I would... A light went on and has just grown brighter and truer ever since. Some beliefs are absolutely incompatible. To think they could be all umbrella'd under some fluid, relative "Godness" took the very same blind faith I mocked Christians for. They are the odd man out. And they will soon know how we feel...

Regarding whatever has brought you back here again, I can only repeat that the internet is the internet: one site is as safe as any, and I know you have the thick skin to 'take' all manner of responses. I can only invite you to follow your inclination and if you feel tempted to share some thoughts here, you are most welcome to do so.

-K.

Some have mentioned before how this forum is in flux. Certainly. For me also it is. Once a fit like the proverbial glove, this forum has lost most interest and appeal for me. This is my first post in a month. I do not know how much I will be back in future. I am not sure whether the forum changed or whether I did: both, probably.

I noticed.

Why your new found disinterest? The battle over? The methods questionable? The philosophy uninspiring? -I'm really interested...

As for sharing your personal stuff with the environment of your conversation in flux, well how is that much different from the rest of life?

Uhm, sorry, ya lost me...???

I am sure you are not the only conservative Christian who is gay, and while I can imagine how it might be difficult to find gay folks who share similar theology or similarly minded Christians who accept homosexuality or take you at your word for your personal truth, I also know you cannot be completely alone in this world. Not possible.

I know there are quite a few who share my cerebral dissonance and hold to a nonexistent middle ground that both pisses off Christians and gays. I'm not active and angry enough for most queers, and they feel betrayed by my support of Christianity; and I'm way to heretical and faithless for most Christians (whether they know I'm unapologetically gay or not)... but whaaah, po' po' pitiful me... I wouldn't change it if I could.

There are others more or less like you, though none else with your precise uniqueness. That is what makes you such a joy and treasure, at the same time that relating smoothly with you is for us, on occasion, a bit difficult. I wouldn't say that if I did not know how already aware you are of that element of our collective online 'friendship.'

I discovered I make one rotten cyber friend. Hot and cold, intimately concerned, then demonstrably aloof, and that is not fair to the types of people who are drawn to me and quickly seek virtual friendships (long stories too)

As far as 'relating smoothly'... heh heh heh... This is what Diane, the V.P. right hand madam and Queen moderator on CARM said to me a couple months ago (in a glaring, uber forbidden personal attack that dripped in hypocricy and power tripping) >

"Not only are you lacking common sense....I am convinced you should be hospitalized as borderline psychotic.....FACTS....I am about ready to remove several trolls from this forum, and YOU are the leader."

So the wrong way rub isn't limited to this site (see, I piss off both Christians and queers pretty equally)

I would focus on the fruits of your relationships with other people rather than on the specifics of their credo. If there are things you appreciate, love, enjoy, respect about certain folk, then enjoy them. Live life. Then, when you do meet someone who really has a philosophical/theological complementarity with yourself, what a precious, dear companion and confidante you shall have. Not everyone need be your closest intimate, nor need everyone be relegated to a distance.

I fear for people's souls Zerb. I see how false beliefs are causing great and unnecessary harm by the actions they inspire... I'm not seeking affirmations or companionship or extra heavenly crowns. I see a source of excess pain and a solution to it, and that compels me to try and address it with this little light o' mine. .. The venues I engage in are populated with people who typically want to get to the bottom of credos and belief systems, philosophy and theology, and how they play out in real life. This isn't the Jonas Brothers website

The internet is nearly a catalyst for an evolutionary leap. Nothing we've ever encountered will so fundamentally alter our lives and social structure, and we're just now getting a hint of what it going to do to us. "Awediot" is Dean turbo-charged, and I've been given medium, an audience of minds to feed from and influence and the capacity to change and be changed by strangers I will never meet... and then I log off and do what we do...

Anyway, feel yourself welcome.

Honestly, I don't. But I feel a purpose here for the time being, and that outweighs being liked... This is a way to see and analyze the agenda and motives and means of those I, and you, will be held guilty of by association... So is CARM to me... I'm not a marcher or protester or group prayer. I'm not a good hand on activist, so I seek out the leaders and think tank homes and suggestable members where they go to regroup... This is activism.