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Old 07-14-2009, 09:35 AM
Matt Algren Matt Algren is offline
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: Southwest Ohio
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Daniel View Post
That is exactly what I think you could use. Really. When I wrote my prior post that was what I was thinking of. Perhaps you can ask for suggestions here? Start a new thread?

My writer's mind tells me that the line above is too long. Bite-size is what you need. And I think you can achieve it. The tagline is used in publishing all the time.

This situation is like a sauce that has to be cooked down. I think you can do that. And I will give the matter some thought.

You might think of your tagline as a stage direction, which gives direction with an economy of words.

You have something going in the word 'forbidden". That's very evocative.
I feel like there's a third f-word (not that one) that would complete it, but it's on the tip of my brain. Like you said, I need to keep boiling this down.
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