[BenL]

Hi, I'm a 65-year-old gay man married to a transman, and I'm still coming out. And that's the point, for me anyways: coming out is a process, not an event.

I first came out to myself, the hardest, most unaccepting person to come out to. Even that was in stages. At 11, I knew I was different, but thought I could change, that it was just a matter of willpower. I went into a deep closet by 13 and stayed there until I left college. Then I could no longer stay abstinent. I was attracted to men, not women, and couldn't resist the pull they exerted on me. But every time I "succumbed" I felt guilty. The guilt was enforced by society, and particularly the Catholic Church.

I spent nearly 40 years at one company and never came out there. It was dangerous to come out when I started work there. You could lose your job or worse. I retired 18 months ago, and now I'm working as an LGBT elder outreach worker. Go figure. If I were straight, I would have to be constantly coming out to everybody, cuz it's just assumed that I'm gay.

Not only do you grow into coming out, your coming out process changes as you age and as times and your circumstances change. Besides that, there is always someone new to come out to. Coming out never really ends.

Thanks for your coming out story, xmiss, and congratulations for making it as far as you have. My fondest hope is that when your little girl reaches adulthood nobody will have to come out because it simply won't matter anymore.