Originally Posted by CagedBird
I'm still in the process of coming out.
For some time I went through this dark moment, where I basically just didn't talk to anyone, but people online. So I gained a lot of online friends. At the time I thought I was straight, but as the years passed, I found that to not be the case. I never really had to officially come out to them, because they just kinda saw the transition. So that was fine.
Though, the last 2 years were when I started making real friends. And that was around the time where I was battling with confusion. One friend of mine knew that I was confused, because it somehow slipped out in a conversation. Then I told this one girl who I wasn't too fond of. It sounds like a stupid move, but she's always "yay gay rights" so I kind of felt comfortable asking her about it. Well, fast forward a year later, I'm talking with one of my close friends. She's gushing about her crush, nonstop. Then finally says how I'm always quiet about that subject, and that I'm secretive. Sooo I finally told her. She was completely cool with it, but the next day, she told me that the "yay gay rights" girl ended up telling her and all my other friends. So, needless to say, I was quite upset. But I got over it, because it made officially coming out to my friends easier. As of now, only my friends and one of my teachers know. And if someone at school were to ask me if I was, I wouldn't deny it.
Like some of the others here, I'm also not out to my family. It's kind of difficult. But I know it won't be easy. They are very conservative and very anti-gay. Only one cousin knows that I was confused... which I'm now uncomfortable about, because she's not easy to trust. I don't know if she will tell everyone else one day, or something. I actually fear that it's already happened. Recently, I've been getting daily emails from both of my aunts of scriptures and an additional message. The content sometimes seems suspicious, so I don't know if it's my paranoia, or if they are trying to guilt me into saying something and asking to be straight. I don't know.
It sucks not being out to them, because I feel like I continuously have to make myself distant from them. I know they won't accept me. There's no doubt about that. I hear their comments on homosexuality, and it's just terrible. My friends are trying to pressure me into telling my family, but I fear the results. Though, I do find it very possible they they know or suspect, already. I know for a fact I want to feel free, and be myself... but I also know they won't accept it. I don't know what they'll try to do when they find out for definite. I'm unfortunately dependent on them because of restrictions I grew up with.
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