[BenL]

Ryan,

Nathan's message was both beautiful and comforting, but I understand your hesitation, your "I guess." Others can share their experiences, even show you a way to spiritual health and wholeness. But until you tread the path yourself, it's difficult to believe that those goals can be yours.

I, too, grew up Catholic. I'm now in the Episcopal Church. I don't feel that I changed my faith, so much as my human affiliation with a human institution. Whether you go to church or subscribe to a church's doctrines doesn't guarantee peace and a sense of belonging. I found that I had to give myself over to the process of seeking without reservation, without predetermined conclusions, without worrying about where it would lead me, but being confident in the process and the results. Some would call that grace.

To do that, a person has to believe in himself/herself; believe in a core goodness or worth. And that's hard for those of us who are gay when so many people in positions of authority are constantly telling us we aren't worthy. Your true path may end up being the one you grew up in with deeper understanding ... or it may end up being a path that's totally new to you. Trust in the process. Don't be afraid to seek, to ask, to explore, and don't be afraid of the truths you might come to discern. Nathan's message says essentially that God believes in you and asks why you then shouldn't believe in yourself too. I know: harder to do than to say. But I'm convinced that it's the only way.

I myself once thought that I was doomed because I was gay. I now thank God that God made me the way I am. I have come to see that being gay is a gift and that it is part of what makes me who I am.

Don't let others overwhelm you. You've got within you the seeds of your own faith and understanding. Trust in yourself. God does.