Originally Posted by Cathyny
Bnmoore, I am no stranger to snap decisions. Thanks for judging me.
Cathy in NY
Dearest Cathy: Ben wasn't judging you. He was commenting on a possibility as he has witnessed in his own life, as have I. I remember years ago, someone saying that if something makes you angry, it's because there's a part of you that believes it. My "snappy" response was the VietNam war made me angry, & I sure as hell didn't believe there was anything justified in that war.
But now, I find that for the most part, those things that make me angry are about pushing my own buttons, whatever they might be. I'll give you a "for-instance," that I recently dealt with. I'm part of a ministry at my parish called, "His Hands & Feet." One of our parishoners is very needy, emotionally and very negative as well.
I found it almost impossible to talk with her without getting angry. So I started praying and asking myself, what buttons did she push. I realized that I am, what I'm now calling, a "recovering pessimist." I can go into a negative spiral and lose myself at times. So being around negativity, "pushed my buttons." I called the woman and apologized and explained this to her, and let her know that just as an alcoholic need to stay away from alcohol, I needed to stay away from negatism, and so, when the conversation (which more often than not was a monologue on her part) went in that direction, I would have to get off the phone. For almost a dozen calls that I made to her during Lent, that really worked for me. But I did lose my temper once again; fortunately it was this last week of Lent, and my commitment to calling her was only for Lent.
She's still a difficult person for most people to deal with. But some of the "charge" that she had for me, has been dimished.
I have known Ben (from forum postings) for several years now and I can assure you, I can't recall ever seeing him respond in a judgmental way.