Originally Posted by Legendary
I noticed that I use to discriminate against people who disagreed with my sexuality. I would try to avoid them and would often judge them for not agreeing with me. But now I realize I can't do that. Its just really hard to be friends with good, loving Christian friends who don't accept a big part of who I am. I often find myself trying to change their minds. I know they care and love me but why can't I rid of these feelings. Even though I'm getting better I still need help. I feel like I can;t be myself around them but I so desperately want to. The thing is some of them don't know about me and even the ones that do I still feel like i can't be me.
LGBTQ&Q people do not come with a manual. I haven't seen much data on child rearing for parents of LGBTQ&Q children. We are taught from birth not to acknowlege and accept ourselves as who and what we are. There is never a moment when I'm not gay. There never has been. It's not part of me. It is me.
My feeling is if you are not fully integrated within your self and completely authentic your friends and family have never met you at all.
I know I can't change someone else's mind. That is not wisdom, it's experience. (You may have heard this somewhere before.)
For males I would recommend a couple of books:
"The Velvet Rage" Alan Downs, PH.D.
"Gay Warrior 'Transforming Betrayal into Wisdom'" F. Jim Fickey PH.D & Gary S. Grimm, MA
Ladies may have different issues. Perhaps someone could suggest something for women.
What you are feeling does not come out of nothing. You are not being treated properly. Internalizing homophobia is not good for you. Speak your Truth.