Originally Posted by pnggrad79
Wife left me AGAIN!!!!This makes 4 times and I am as always left reeling with grief, dismay, anger, questions and I have people left and right giving me all sorts of advice. I can't eat and I can't sleep.
This time it is over money and nothing that couldn't be resolved, she is just under a lot of stress with her new business, but why is it always me that gets the boot when it gets hot in the kitchen?
My heart can't take this much longer. I am devastated as I have been the 3 previous times and my head tells me to get the hell away from her and that she is toxic, but my heart longs to be in bed with her snuggled up warm and close, and to smell her hair and hold her soft body next to me.
Was it all a delusion? Did I want it so bad that I made up a dream to justify it? Is this all her way of dealing with stress? Is a control tactic to get what she wants?
I need some advice and wise counsel. Oops, she did it again. And I am left with a broken mess to clean up and I don't know where to go or what to do with all that I am feeling...
I'll bet Her problem is that instead of encountering a fear, focussing on that fear analyzing it wrapping her head around it, diffusing it and then acting reasonably.... she short circuits.
It looks like Her sense of inadequacy is activated by someone so she runs away from you.... so that you will run after her to "prove" that you are still her rescuer.
By doing so you counter the crisis with a strong action which opposes the inadequacy that someone else has activated within her. She gets back to a balance ....and you are a wreck.
I strongly suspect that Your problem is that your fear of the loss of your dream and her and being a failure as a lesbian, and her suffering, and that she might kill herself....... drives you to suck up her shitty emotional manipulative head games and play the part. This feels
like the lesser of two evils
Can you tell that I have been there?
I tried several remedies. The first was that I could no longer be with my boyfriend. He was too adept at playing me for me to find a way to get my head out of his ass.
Then came the agnst, the sense of failure, the guilt that was as thick in the air around me as a cloud of poison gas.
Gin was my first sanctuary, then whoring, finally I started Reiki meditation and Mindful awareness meditation...and of course a good therapist.
She needs years of work with a therapist. So do you....... and so did I.
Only after years of dedication to making herself well will she have a chance to not short circuit. Only after years of the same will you not sacrifice your serenity to rescue her. The kick in the ass is, the more you rescue her, the more reward she gets, the more she will do it, the more misery you will endure.
You cannot fix her.....and every time you try , you make her problem worse. That's just one of the painfully ironic frustrations when attempting to share intimacy with someone who is driven by the fear of their own inadequacy.
Whether you two stay together or not, get professional, intensive, long-term counselling
. Slowly change the fear-driven short-circuit to action and drama..... to compassion and awareness of self while in the hands of someone trustworthy.
Good luck sweetie!