First things first
Hi- I'm Daniel, and have been here on the forum forever. I'm gonna shoot from the hip and tell you what I think based on what you've written.
First things first. You are an adult, and your parents have no business busting you for your internet chats with guys etc. Whatever you do, that should be off limits to your parents. Ok? I mean, how would they feel if you busted in on them in their bedroom in the middle or 'whatever'? Get my drift? So- no more of that stuff. Put a password on your computer when you are at their house. Be smart!
Next. You can have a life with another guy, and if can be pretty wonderful. What is holding you back and giving you nightmares is the thinking you had growing up. Of course, I think you know this. The other thing is the thought that your father is never going to accept you. And that, my friend, is the elephant in the room. Not your being gay, but rather, if you Dad is going to be Ok with you being gay.
Here's the deal. You father doesn't get a choice in the matter. That's the bottom line. You know you are gay, right? Nothing is going to change that. No prayers or hell mary's are going to do a damn bit of good as far as that goes. So- what are you going to do?
You might consider telling your father straight up that you are gay and that he had no business messing with your stuff. And that's just for starters. What I am suggesting here is that you are going to have to declare your independence. That alone may get you some respect. Sure. Your dad may scream and hollar and do all kinds of crazy shit, but that doesn't matter. If you say to him what you want and need to say to him in a low calm and clear voice he will get the picture. You've learned to be a man, so be a man with him. Tell him like it is and don't wimp out.
Tell your dad that you love him even if he can't tell you that. Give to him what you want to hear out of his mouth. This is really important.
Leave the religious stuff aside for right now. The questions you have will begin to be sorted out eventually. You don't have to do it all at once. It takes time! You've got a lot on your plate.
I bet your dad is going to come around eventually. But it's going to take time. You are going to have to be patient with him. You've known you were gay for a while now, and while he may have suspected (parents do you know), it's going to take him a while to get with the program.
Now. Do you have supportive friends? A church? If not, get one ASAP. Contact P-FLag. They can be a HUGE help. What I am saying here is that you need a support system. It's really hard to do this coming out thing alone. So don't be! You need people you can call in the middle of the night.
I've been with the same guy for 15 years. Yes. We've had our ups and downs, but the relationship works. That is just one example out of thousands, if not tens of thousands. Yes- it is possible to wake up with the love of your life and be together a very long time.
To find acceptance you are first going to have to accept yourself. And that is perhaps the biggest thing.
You have good stuff going for you. You mom and siblings love you no matter what. And that is how it should be.
Wrap yourself in love Chad. All is not lost. There are other churches that will welcome you with open arms. Seek them out.
You will find your place, and the man of your dreams. Just keep in mind this: To have a prince you have to be a prince. It may sound silly, but it's true. We really do receive what we give.
Give your dad the love and acceptance you want from him. He may not respond in the way you want him to right now, but eventually, your open heart will make it possible for there to be reconciliation and acceptance.
Be the love you seek.