Thanks Daniel for being strait forward with me... I guess I need that!
I know I'm an adult, but I guess Ive let my parents keep a leash on me until about a year ago because that's the way I was raised. We were taught to have respect and not question authority. I know that sounds pathetic, especially in this day and age, but my parents wanted us to grow up and be respectful, caring, compassionate people, heck, we were even taught to say "yes sir/ma'am" and "no sir/ma'am, rise when a woman enters or leaves the room, please, thank you, may I be excused, all that Southern Charm business... seems silly, I know... but they haven't been all up in my business since Ive been living in my own apartment.
"Now. Do you have supportive friends? A church? If not, get one ASAP. Contact P-FLag. They can be a HUGE help. What I am saying here is that you need a support system. It's really hard to do this coming out thing alone. So don't be! You need people you can call in the middle of the night."
My church wouldn't support me in coming out, they think being gay is a demonic influence. I live in the "Bible Belt", churches here are very closed minded when it comes to homosexuality, I don't know of 1 church out of our 121 churches in my county that is open to gays. As far as friends go, I think my best friend would be cool with it, we had a weird conversation one day when he asked me what I would think of one of my friends being gay, I told him I would be cool with it and not see them any differently, he said the same, I wonder if he suspects something with me? I don't know if I could tell my other friends about me being gay, most of them go to church with me. What is P-FLAG? and they won't think I'm nuts for handling things the way I have?
"Just keep in mind this: To have a prince you have to be a prince. It may sound silly, but it's true. We really do receive what we give."
I really liked that a lot, and it most certainly doesn't sound silly, I always try to be respectful and just be kind to people, I hate to see people look down on others or tease and harass them, actually the only time I came close to a fight in school was when I went off on a guy for talking down to another less fortunate guy & his sister, it really hurt me when he did that.
Mom said she has suspected that I was gay for a long time, so I'm sure dad has too. His feelings towards gays is that they should ALL be killed, and that AIDS is Gods punishment for the immoral acts they commit. When I can get the balls to tell him, and do, I hope he comes around and lets his love for me as his son overtake the hatred of what I am. My family has always been very close, at this moment, they are my whole world...
This is gonna sound really lame and probably pathetic, but, How do I find my dream guy? I don't have the slightest idea about how to meet decent guys who are wanting a relationship and not just sex. Its sad that I'm 28 and never been kissed, still a virgin (with guys and girls), and never been in love... Ive thought about moving to a big city and trying but I still wouldn't know where to start! I don't have any gay friends who could hook me up with a nice guy... What do I do? Ive never been on a "REAL" date, Ive been fixed up with girls in the past but I had no interest in them and didn't enjoy the dates we went on... does it work the same for a guy?
Ive got some serious self esteem issues to deal with, there's a lot I don't like about myself, but that seems dumb when I think about it. I have this constant fear of rejection... I hate it... I understand that being confident is important when trying to find a date, I just don't know how...
Believe it or not, you've given me a lot to think about, I appreciate it