[Daniel]

Chad-

I see Jody clued you into Pflag.

Sounds like your friend has an inkling that you are gay. Now. Wouldn't it be a trip if your buddy was also gay and was feeling you out for how you might respond if he told you? Stranger things have happened!

Moving to a city is one way to meet other gay people for the simple reason that there are more of them there. Other than that, there is the internet. I know of many couples who have met that way. If you join one of the gay web sites, I suggest you always meet a potential date in a public space. Of course, there are gay bars, but one has to be aware of the issues around drinking etc.

The thing is this, after you've come out awhile, you will find yourself getting to know other gay people as a matter of course. And then, there is simply the matter of keeping one's eyes open. You can meet a great guy in the checkout line of the supermarket! Heck, I met my guy at the gym. You just never know.

Best I can say on this is: use your intuition. Listen to that little voice.

If you haven't had any sexual experience, I suggest you look into getting your 'shots'. That is, the vaccines for hepatitis, HPV (the vaccine is called Gardisil) etc. You can go to a clinic to get this done. Straight or gay, this what young people should be doing to protect themselves and their partners. It's always better to play it safe! Of course, you will want to learn how to use a condom. It's not rocket science.

I was 28 or so when I came out. So no, I don't think it's pathetic! That said, I wish I could have done it earlier. Why? I missed a lot of good things, like a real adolescence for one thing. Like you, I hardly dated anyone, and the girls I did date...well...it was just really uncomfortable.

You have the balls to tell your dad. The thing is to simply tell him. And of course, keep in mind that your mother may have already spilled the beans. You can't really worry or think about his reaction. In the end, you are doing this for YOU, not for HIM.

Again- and I can't say this enough: give him the love you want from him. If he isn't used to you saying 'Dad I love you' it may come as something of a shock. But that is a good thing.

Know what? After I came out, I had to consciously construct a loving relationship with my parents. They really were clueless. I was the one who ended every phone all with "I love you." You may have to do the same. And this can be hard when we want to hear the words from them. But you know what? There comes a time when we have to parent our parents. And this may be one of those times. We have to come into our own.

It's not for nothing that Freud said that every man has to 'kill' his father. And by this he meant 'become his own man'. And that is what you will be doing by coming out. It may terrify you. And that is Ok. You aren't responsible for your dad's reaction. And if he DOES act badly: let him! Don't try to manage him. See him as a guy who is afraid and clueless.

Here's an idea: write your dad a letter. This can give him time to wrap his head around the idea.