The dream died
It's not her so much as the dream. The dream died and that's what is so dificult to let go of.
Get out of your house/ apartment. Get something simple. Volunteer somewhere and as Daniel says, get a professional to help guide you away from self-destructive impulses. Buy yourself flowers to show your heart that it is loved.
burn the dream. Keep your focus simple and away from it. Like training a puppy to sit on the paper. When it strays, gently redirect your focus on volunteering or cleaning. Try reading a new book, or pick up a copy of Walden. get your focus directed toward something new and away from reminders of the drama.
The dark grudge-gratification of self -injury is addictive. when it won't go away get really angry and punch a bag with boxing gloves or go running and wear out yourself, smash beercans, chop wood, yell obscenities call her a bitch for ruining the dream! It is the Dream not her that you loved most.
Love and affirmation,
Forrester Tongpa Nyi (formerly Ash Phoenix, faeries evolve! )
When you come to know that your entitlement to joy is a given, All that remains is the exploration of the many different ways to let it in