[pnggrad79]

Thanks, Brian. It just seems like a waste of time.I thought we had progressed past the point where we didn't treat each other so badly. The first 10 years of our relationship was that, just trading potshots at each other. But the next 12, we really made an effort to treat each other very well. I don't know who or what she is listening to that would make her deliberately hurt me so much and so thoroughly. It is like one minute she is loving and sweet and the next she is a mean,controlling, brutal bitch. I don't know where all this is coming from.

Two nights before she left, she asked me to write down the things that she did that made me feel loved. So I did, took a lot of time the next day to do this. I assumed she was doing it too. So that night, I asked if she was ready to share our lists and she kinda laughed and said, "I didn't even start mine." I thought she really didn't take this seriously. Anyway she grabbed a piece of paper off the floor and scribbled on it for about 10 minutes and we shared our lists. First on her list was for me, since I got home first, was to at least have a plan of what we were going to eat that night. I took issue with that, because I work just as hard as she does, and I didn't feel it was fair for me to have the burden of doing that after a long day. I told her in an email that I thought it was a joint effort and we needed to cooperate with each other to make it work. Now, in any of that, do you see that I took her "heart" and stomped on it, throwing her feelings back in her face? I don't see it. But that is what she said, that I took her feelings that she gave from heart and threw them back in her face. The next day she left and hasn't come back. All because I said I wanted cooperation and communication to take place. All because of DINNER! Then came the accusations of I was the roadblock to all her dreams and goals. So it wasn't necessarily about dinner, as much as it was, I was getting in the way of her ambitions.

Whatever,now she claims that if I change my attitude she will come back. So I have to change and she doesn't? Hell,no! It has been 2 months and I am an emotional basket case and she expects me to swallow all the hurt, and anger and feelings of rejection and stupidity and go on as if nothing happened. She says when she sees that I can take care of myself, be emotionally stable, she will come back. So I have to do all the work so she will come back and do this crap to me again? I just don't know at this point.
She has become Darth Vader, cold, hard, ruthless and brutal. I don't like who she has become. I am wondering if I just fell in love with an illusion.