[pnggrad79]

Now she "wants to be friends". My daughter was like "uh hell to the damn NO. MOM! she has done nothing but screw you over and run all over you. I understand forgiveness and compassion, but she hasn't made any efforts to be conciliatory or to reach out to you. So until she makes some kind of restitution, uh I would say no, and I will be mad at you if you let her take advantage of you." I see her point very well, and it is well taken.

A week ago, she ordered the electricity cut off causing all the food in the refrigerator and freezer to go bad, and smell. She took the modem so we couldn't have internet. Then over the weekend, she made no attempt to come clean out the refrigerator or freezer, instead taking a day trip out of town. I went to Dallas because I was simply afraid that she would destroy what was left in the house. I quickly packed everything up that was remotely valuable to me and left for Dallas to be with my sister.

So last night she messages me on Yahoo chat and says,"I don't know if you would be willing or not, but I would like to start over and be friends." Sometimes I think I am dealing with a schizophrenic person. One minute she is vindictive and vengeful and the next she makes overtures of supposed friendship to me. Says she doesn't deserve it, but thought she would ask. Then she says she knows my daughters won't go for it, and I was like, "NOt after what you did to them and said to them. Girl, you have a lot of bridges to rebuild here."

My head tells me NO! My heart misses her terribly. My therapist says that she has been very careless with my feelings, throwing them around like a ragdoll. She says that she wouldn't even consider being her friend unless some drastic changes were made and I stop letting her run all over me. That is very logical and healthy. I still love her and she said she still loves me, and I am trying very hard to see things from her perspective. I suggested today that we seek counseling to work through some of these issues because I am not all that willing to give out my heart again for her to abandon me and take me for a ride again. After 4 times, I think I have finally learned my lesson. A friend of mine says that I have essentially taught her how to treat me, which is like trash. She says that my ex has made me her safety net, that she can run away for however long, but she knows I will always take her back, and tolerate this nonsense. She's right and so is my therapist. My head fully agrees. My heart misses her like crazy.