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I'm considering returning to the church, after several years of inactivity and a couple years after I outright renounced it. I miss the fellowship. Though I've belonged to a circle, coven, whateveryouwannacallit, for nearly two years, our meetings tend to be irregular these days due to the personal issues of other members, and conflicted schedules. And the worship experience is at times underwhelming.
Worship. I miss liturgy. Aesthetics in worship are very important to me. That's not slamming low-church folks, but Baptist, charismatic, or garden variety Protestant services just have never appealed to me. Few churches have been able to meet my high aesthetic standards. I loved and miss the Orthodox liturgy, but the antigay theology of Orthodoxy--as well as bad memories of priests scolding me and urging my repentance of same-sex urges--makes it impossible for me to return. Likewise, Roman Catholicism is not an option to me, because I refuse to support or belong to a faith that refuses to bless the whole of me, including how I love. (I actually went to a Catholic mass last weekend, trying to keep an open mind, and no spiritual fireworks went off. I left early.)
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Much to my surprise, I found myself back in the Catholic Church having been away for almost 20 years. I, too, missed liturgy and a sense of community and I was blessed to find a parish that had fabulous liturgy and was a welcoming place for LGBTs. Those of us who are liturgy buffs, rarely are satisfied in non-liturgical rituals and that is one of the things I've come to learn over the 20 years since my return to the church. I moved to the San Francisco area to join a coven and to work with Starhawk, but it just wasn't my cup of tea.
Ram Das, who is a teacher I greatly respect, says that it's not unusual for us to return to our spiritual origins. I explored all sorts of different spiritual practices during my years away from the church, and find that to have broaden my understanding of spirituality. So enjoy the experience and understand that a seeker is constantly seeking; at least that's what seems right to me.
Kara