[victor]

Originally Posted by Daniel

Dear Victor,

There is a lot in your post to respond to. First off: you are not the first young to realize from an early age that he is attracted to boys. Gay people have been around as long as there is recorded history.

Second: it sounds like your family is religiously conservative. And that they have conservative, if not, uneducated ideas about gay people and sex.

How about let's jump into the sex part?

Anal sex is practiced by straight and gay people. In fact, is some cultures anal sex for straight people is their way of practicing contraception. Thing is, no one likes to talk about these things. It's not that anal sex is dirty, but rather, that all sex is considered by some to be dirty.

BTW: not all gay men practice anal sex. It's quite an individual matter. That said, the prostate, located just inside the anal canal, can give a man intense pleasure. Of course, learning to experience this is best done with one's partner wearing a condom for the simple reason that it can protect one against STD's and HIV. It's the same deal for straight people too. Unless one is with one monogamous partner, protected sex is safer sex.

And let's use some logic here. If anal sex is 'dirty', what about the penis and vagina? Pee come out of there. And isn't THAT dirty?



The thing is: we can make something dirty or we can make it beautiful. It all depends on one's point of view- especially as personal desires go.

Now to religion. When I was your age (I am 52 young whipper snapper), I also thought that God wanted me to be celibate. I even though of being a priest. It took me a while to realize that those feelings had more to do with my fears than with being called by God to serve in the priesthood.

The bible says that the Kingdom of Heaven is within. To me, that means that no matter what others many think of you, nothing can change your nature- that is- the love that is inside you. Of course, since you are attracted to other men, your love is going to be expressed differently. But it's still love. Real love.

And who says you can't have children? Gay people can - and do- adopt, or have children with surrogates. This idea that gay people should not be parents is a very uneducated view. In fact, many gay people- if you think very carefully about it, are often in charge of the raising of children, from teaching in school, to teaching in the arts. Gay people are responsible for passing on to new generations the Arts, Music, Literature etc. In fact, I will be bold here and say that, without gay people, there would be no culture!

About God's Love. If you sit quietly over a period of time, that is, quieting your worrying mind, you will undoubtedly find that the Still Small Voice in your heart does not condemn you for wanting to experience love with another man any more than it condemns a straight boy for wanting to experience love with a girl.

Now. You could try to reshape your desires, that is, try to become straight, or least, act straight. But this is a terrible path to take for the simple reason that sexuality is not a matter of choice. Sure. Anyone can sleep with anyone, but we're talking about matters of the heart here, not about making OTHER people feel better in their ignorance.

I would hold off dealing with your family for a while. Wait until you have a better sense of yourself, and you have a support system, that is, a 3D community of friends you can rely on. You need that more than anything.

Wishing you much happiness,

Daniel

Hi Daniel,
Thanks for answering my questions

That's true! I also think so (in regards to sex). Though, to have sex, I, personally, wanna be married. And then, would God bless such gay marriage?

Everything you said really makes sense and it makes me happy! I am pretty such God wouldn't have created me as a homosexual if he didn't want me to be one! ^^ But then again, why would he? Haha, I guess no one really knows.

I am indeed going to hold off dealing with my family for awhile... Maybe until it is necessary, who knows.

Thank you very much =)

Originally Posted by scott snedeker

You are a brave young man. God gave you the gift to share intimate love. He made you with the capacity to love another fellow because He created another of His children who is gay also...and this fellow needs you. Look for him....and when the two of you meet and share love, God will smile, like a parent watching his children opening a gift on Christmas morning.

Honor God's gift of the capacity for intimacy by sharing the joy with another of His gay children.


Imagine Christ coming upon a village square. He sees a crowd of people throwing stones. The target is two young men who have been caught sharing love.

What would He do? Would He pick up a stone and join in?

Or would He rush to them to protect them?

"He who has not sinned throw the first stone!"

I believe He would soothe them with tears of compasion. Thank them for sharing his gift of love and say something like: "Come with me and be safe."

God does not create second class humans. You have the same entitlement to share intimate love with the one for whom you have passion as another who was given this capacity for the opposite gender. God wants you to feel joy from His gift, not pain and loneliness.

People may get gratification by oppressing others and causing pain but God does not. God has infinite compasion and love.

It is difficult to experience at this tender young age the violence of homophobic oppression. I experienced it when I was your age. (now i'm 46)
You need not lose your soul to the oppression, but some violence will be done to it. Overcome the fear of this violence by resisting.

You are not alone. Build your network of support at a gay-affirming church, here at soulforce and other places. The folks here usually have good suggestions.

One young man here used Christ's example. When he came out to his mother she slapped his face. He was silent and turned the other cheek for her to slap as well. She wept and asked for forgiveness. You might respond to a verbal "slap" by silently turning your cheek and pointing to it. This communicates nonviolence in subtle ways.


Victor,

What happens to us (gay fellows) all too commonly is that we grow up being told we are worthless deviants. Then somebody comes and exploits our self-perceived worthlessness. We accept this treatment which beats our self worth even further.

What is miraculous is when some one who really cares sees the shining boy inside you. And then with this person's help you learn to see the shining boy yourself.
I found these to be my true spiritual epiphanies. You are a man with a soul of a man. Worthy and handsome of body and spirit. As gay fellas we belong to a brotherhood of commonality. I feel this bond of healing with many of my brothers. Something we create that most straight fellas will never know.

Thank you! When I read your post I suddenly got very happy!

I am pretty sure you're right! I wish society would think like you =/

Wow, that's intense (regarding the son-coming-out-to-his-mom-story)! But I think my mom would be ok with me being gay. Haha, I think she kinda knows... I mean, how can a mom not know when her own son is gay when he is quite effeminate since he was a baby?! I think she knows but doesn't want to ask me because it would be odd lol

Thanks =) I really want to find a partner... though, it's kinda hard! Plus, apparently, or at least from what I see here, most gays are just looking for hook-ups or short relationships, which is sad! Hopefully someday I will find someone who is looking for the same things as I am =)

Thank you very much for your reply! It helped me a lot =D