Co-dependent once more
Being a quintessential codependent I, Saint Scooty of the perpteual sacrificial abused martyr, offer you some insight and experience.
You need more separation. Your self entitlement is nonexistent. The pain of the last time she kicked you in the teeth that woke you up has subsided and you are falling asleep once more.
Being codependent means compensating for and enabling another person's psychopathology. The pain of the other person makes them feel that they are entitled to the sacrifice of the happiness of the codependent. The codependent has such a low self worth that they are grateful for the opportunity to trade their self-loathing for being valued by another, even if that role is being psychological toilet paper.
The inability to see one's own entitlent to not be sacrificed and personal boundaries for me was akin to having a stroke and "cortical blindness" to my entitlement. Entitlement to just "be" without the requirement conditional of sacrifice of my happiness to another to earn such.
I actually had to write in large markers posssted all over my house, in my car etc. Messages like:
"I am responsible for no one's happiness excpt my own"
"Michael's pain (my ex) does not entitle him to my sacrifice"
"Michael's pain is not my responsibility"
"I am responsible to myself"
"I am responsible for my happines"
"Live in the joy of the moment"
I actually would forget these truths and could not remember what I had thought and had to go back and read these signs mulptple times every day. It was like rehbilitation therapy following a stroke! Iwas truly disabled!
I have no doubt that Being codependent stems from a focal cortical brain dysfunction linked to the psychological abuse caused by hompoophbia in formative years.
I see my mirror image in you.
I hope you can awaken enough to see that your "wife" will psychologically harm you if you don't break away. If not then at some point she will kick you hard in the teeth again. She will do this because you are holding her back from feeling her own pain and not seek a therapeutic solution when she can just keep wiping her psychological pus on you and your children.
The picture that you paint of her pattern of behavior is that of a Bipolar type II.
This means that It will cycle from tenacious single-minded ideation to dangerous extreme, uncotrollable rage, fear and even paranoid psychosis to remorse, regret depression guilt and hypersexual reconciliation with you.
You must seek the courage to disappoint her and not sacifice your children's health and safety to prevent her from feeling her own pain of her psychological illnesses and her actions.
Your child is entitled to your sacrifice. That's the condition called Motherhood. Your "wife" is not.
Love and affirmation,
Forrester Tongpa Nyi (formerly Ash Phoenix, faeries evolve! )
When you come to know that your entitlement to joy is a given, All that remains is the exploration of the many different ways to let it in