we will raise a child together and I will move back in
Originally Posted by pnggrad79
Thanks guys for the words of caution. She hasn't yet committed anything to me except that we will raise a child together and I will move back in at some point. I know I have expressed a lot of pain and doubt and fear with this relationship, and honestly never thought she would EVER want me back. This past 3 weeks have done nothing but begin to restore my faith in our relationship. She is still guarded and so am I. She is the one who left, but feels "guarded", like I wasn't the one devastated. Oh well, we are working it out and doing The Love Dare together. It has forced us to face some really hard questions and make some agreements with each other. I covet your prayers and see this as an answer from God. He is plainly the only one who could have made her change her mind. It was nothing I did, I assure you. This was all her choice.
I have told her in no uncertain terms that I simply cannot endure her abandonment any longer. If we bring a child, she cannot leave. In fact, that option needs to be taken off the table.
This is unfair to the child whose purpose is to compensate for your and her psychopathology? Why not just tatto her name on your forehead, that way she owns you and can't discard you because everyone is witness to it? At least you will spare a child the torture of being formally trained to be a codependent.
If we bring a child, she cannot leave. In fact, that option needs to be taken off the table.
So you are setting a better trap for her that she can't wiggle out of? Gee! that's true love for sure! I'll bet she doesn't feel trapped or scared at all now! The only good thing about your proposal is that it is so obviously flawed she may just see your strategy and reject it!
That is old, proven disasterous, trailerpark logic. That is like saying If I put a child in my car with a a tire that leaks flat in 30 minutes that now the tire is prohibited from going flat.
The reason I am introducing sarcasm into my tone is that I have been down this road. Adding a child does not solve the problem,,,,It makes it worse by being more complicated and adding another victim.
You are an adult and you are hurt by her psychopathology. A child has no defense and will be tortured into a shortened miserable adult life of depression, drug addiction, and worse. What kind of escape will he or she seek when your "wife" in a fit tells her/him "The only reason we had you was so she (you) could trap me!"
Today I treat young men and women who are permanently screwed because in their early teens they started snorting oxyxcontin to escape a chaotic parenting household. Their Central Nervous System developed adapted to extremely high potency narcotics and now are permenently dysfunctional.
You are making decisions regarding relationships with a disability labelled codependent. This condition will hurt you and others with whom you live if you fail/refuse to recognize it.
You need a good therapist to find ways to compensate for this psychological disability. You will need to practice this compensation daily.
If you reply on this thread that you are seeking therapy and practicing daily, I will continue to reply with compassion, affirmation and support. I have been down this road.
If you reply with another way to perpetuate and feed into her and your psychopathology to avoid facing up to your disability, I have nothing more to say as you are not yet ready to appreciate my experience.
You can't buy heroine at a pharmacy