Originally Posted by Legendary
Well my lover (who is also a guy) and I used to be so sexually active with one another. But now I'm trying to lead us into a more healthier and pure life by waiting for the right moment so we can get to connect with one another on other levels besides the sexual kind.
You are right I am having a hard time accepting myself as hard as I have tried for 3 years so far, but I was in no way seeking to harm anyone by seemingly labeling them as something evil. The the research that I'm doing is fueled by my desire to learn more about the world. The foundation of all society's in based on gender roles,sexuality, and some sort of religion or belief system, so I want to observe, study, research, destroy and rebuild this foundation (metaphorically speaking) and try to understand why humans believe and think the way that we do.
Thanks for your response! That's a huge task you've set upon!! It's a worthy one, but it will be a lifelong pursuit. Don't wait to have it all figured out before living your life.
Correct me if I start assuming things about you that are wrong, k? It sounds like you are having a very difficult time accepting your own sexuality. Are you kind of the on the fence right now between feeling that you are okay as you are and your sexuality is natural/appropriate for you, and at other times feeling that it 'must be' wrong and 'bad' because a lot of people have said so and because it's written down in books, including ones dealing in depth with religion and the meaning of life? If you are, that sounds like a very normal reaction to the situation society has set up. We all have to make the best sense of it we can, whatever our own sexuality may be.
So you have a boyfriend? Or you have a sexual partner who you would like to be more of a boyfriend than just a sex partner?
Looking for a more healthy relationship sounds good. As long as what you deem healthy truly is, in fact, healthy. If you want an in depth relationship, is this guy someone who is open to that sort of relationship right now? What does he want? If he only wants to keep things at the level of casual sex, then your efforts might not produce results. Otoh, if this is a boyfriend, then efforts to create a deeper bond make sense.
Do you have common interests? Do you spend time together other than for physical release? Etc. An important question is whether you share the same values. Since yours seem to be in some flux right now, this question may be dicey. But that's okay as long as you are both communicating. That is key. Communicate with your partner.
What do you believe could make your relationship more healthy or more 'pure?' I have to agree with Daniel that marriage is no magic bullet to fix a troubled relationship. It is, rather, a platform for a strong relationship to truly anchor itself in the community. If you are uncertain about your relationship with this guy, asking about marriage is putting the cart ahead of the horse.
Deal with what is. Don't deal with what isn't yet and might or might not be later. Work from where you are. Keep asking yourself the big questions and see where your deepest values lie. Give this time. But this is key: dive to the depths of your core values for yourself; do not let others tell you what your values are. No matter who they are. Not your parents, not your pastor, not your boyfriend, not us. Listen to yourself. Only if the answers are truly yours will you ever be comfortable with them. Trying to live by someone else's answers, you will have doubts and ricochet back and forth "Oh gee, Scotty/Steve/Daniel sound good, I'll listen to them. Oh no, wait a minute, pastor So N So sounds good, I'll listen to him." On and on that could go and it would never end. You must find what is true for you.