[scott snedeker]

I recently enjoyed a spiritual evolution the nature of which required changing my faerie name from Ash Phoenix to Forrester Tongpa Nyi.

The former represented the death and rebirth of a tired spirit long overdue for transition.

Forrester represents my sylvan mature Buck Satyr nature while the Tongpa Nyi is from Tibetan meaning "ethereal ephemeral ubiqutitous uncluttered infinite spaciousness nature of awareness" or more simply and inaccurrrately put ..."emptiness"

I have come to understand that tongpa nyi applies to many aspects of life. Letting go of past moments to experience the present. and as the present moment becomes the past letting go of it empying my atttachment to let in the next present moment.

It also means staying hungry, not eating to end hunger but rather eating to live, because hunger never goes away or ends by eating. To attempt such only causes obesity and suffering by myself and the others who are denied basic need for food because of my excess.


I recognize the various personalities that inhabit my awareness. These compete for dominance

These may more properly may be thought of as sections of a river. There are calm sections, rapids waterfalls etc The river exists and yet it is intangiable and never the same from moment to moment.

In my life I am aware of personas. It is through my awareness that I can end the competiton and resultant attachment and suffering.

As an adolescent I would run naked throught the forest. I felt safe and aware of the forest spirit protecting me within its sanctuary. Even as a young child of seven, I would wander miles through dense forest without getting lost. I call this spirit the Forest Faun.

As a teen-ager through my mid 20's I was in the closet and generally false, I call this one Sneaker.

As a mature adult I came out and was a physician and Gay rights activist. who sacrificed his joy. I call this one Dr Snedeker, the abused martyr-mind.

After my first experience living in a radical faerie commune, I killed the last two within by spiritual immolation and became Ash. Ash was starting over with no past to attach to. Looking back this was my first experience with the concept of Tongpa-Nyi ( Even though I had never heard of the term).

Forrester Tongpa-nyi represents my evolution toward Moment to moment awareness and joy. I feel a stronger sense of self and yet much more aware of no-self more specifically I don't see defining boundaries illustrating my beginning and my end as my awareness is focussed elsewhere.