[pnggrad79]

True words of wisdom, Victoria. But I don't know how to correct it. I have never lived alone EVER. I have never been totally by myself, in order to figure out myself. I was too busy trying to placate marriages where the other person had their own agenda and was too busy trying to control me. And I was the fool for letting them, but didn't know how to do anything differently.

It is one thing to say "Love yourself" when I just don't see much there to love. I don't know myself. It is scary to even think about. I used to think, when I was married to her, that I didn't have to have dreams of my own, because hers always took precedence. Her dreams were always the more important. I guess I got that from my parents. "Always defer to your "husband"

I wish I didn't need her. When push comes to shove, I really don't think I actually do NEED her, but I definitely WANTED her. There was nothing about her that I didn't love. I loved her company, her smile, her wit, her mannerisms, her passion, everything. I just don't understand any of this.

Moreover, I thought she was it for me. She was so different from my husband. I thought it was true love. I thought she meant what she said. But how does a person spend $1200 on new wedding rings on Tuesday, and then less than 24 hours later, wants to end the relationship? I will never understand that.