All I know is since May when she left the 4th time, I have been in virtual prison of sorts. The prison consisted of a lifetime of memories, some good, some horrible, but always love. Perhaps addiction, and as I explore this it seems aspects of it were addiction for both of us. I got a brief respite from my prison from October to Feb, only for her to do this to me again. Only this time, I am not so much heartbroken as I am just wondering what the hell happened? And I turned a corner because I am damn sure not going back to that mess again. I don't know what her problem is with commitment, but I don't have to put up with the yo yo effect. I guess I was a conquest, because she pursued me to the ends of the earth practically, and when she got me, then she started this backing off dance, which included making everything else important but me. It's like she had me and I wasn't a challenge anymore.
I am 50 years old, and starting over scares the hell out of me. But do I have a choice? Not really.