I picked up a term somewhere, from a Sci Fi show, and expanded on the idea, for myself.
Neural Clone
We have Neural Clones of ~everyone~ we've ever known, cared about, feared, and even objects, a table, chair, etc... in our minds... in this sense, we have a Neural Copy of Every Single Thing, Object, Beings or even Idea, of what we've been exposed to, in our lives.
These mental constructs can heal us, or harm us... I have one of my Therapist, that I talk to, in a little office in my head, when I can see her, and I'm struggling with something... and she does much the same as in her Actual office... Sits there and lets me bounce ideas off of her, while occasionally putting a little spin on them, and sending them back, so I can think about them a different way... That's a Healing "Clone".
I have had, in the past, Harmful clones... Copies of people who have hurt me and Harmed me that, in a very real sense, have caused me to become ~addicted~ to that hurt... Growing up the way I did, I knew about, and understood, ~Abuse~ far better than I ever did ~Love~, and while these little clones ran around in my head, hurting me further, I continued to keep getting involved in ~similar~ relationships, that continually proved that... "this is all there is, for me". Self-fulfilling Prophecies, while I let people control me, even though they ~really~ only existed, by that time, in my imagination, even after I Physically left them behind.
Another concept that can be related, that's often spoke of in a similar sense, is "Facing your Personal Demons"... but ~any~ kind of demon, only has the power over you, that you, yourself, give it.
It's gonna hurt, you really can't avoid suffering. Trying to do so, only makes it worse... and the ~Worst~ way to "try to avoid suffering" is getting stuck in the mindset, that you're only suffering ~now~ because you ~left~ the situation that, in reality, ~caused~ you suffering, in the first place. That's the addictive behavior you need to overcome. And like all addictions, you're gonna have withdrawals.
Trust that you know she's Poison to you, ~even when~ some parts of you keep Lying and Telling you that you ~Need~ that poison, in order to stop hurting. You made the right choice, a ~courageous~ choice, to end an abusive relationship, whether she initiated the end, or not, it's ~Your~ choice, ~Alone~ to make it the ~Right~ one.
Courage is when you Make, and Keep Making, the Right Choice, no matter how much it hurts, and no matter how much you're afraid. And just trust, until you get there, that when you come out the other side, you're gonna look back, and smile, and wonder, what the Hell ever kept me there, in the first place?
Learn to love ~you~, before you know what loving ~someone else~ is really like.
=)
~V~
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