This, too, fits in with another aspect of my "neural clone" ideas... In different ways, I can see how, in my ~own~ life, I read stories, watch movies, saw other people in loving relationships, and I developed an image in my own mind, of the person ~I~ wanted to be with... and too often, that image I sort of "mapped onto" every person I tried to be with... and ~instead of finding~ such a person, it ends up working ~against~ being able to find such a person...
Originally Posted by BrianB
Is it possible that you had a fantasy of what she should be like? Then when she was just herself you felt rejected, disappointed, hurt, deceived? That is what happened with my ex. I had a dream of what she should be like. When she behaved like herself I felt like she had lied to me. Made promises she couldn't keep. Sure, we had many good times; but the bad times started to outweigh the good. My advice is try to remember the good about her and let the rest fade into the past. Time really does make the pain hurt less.
We end up trying to force people into a mold, of our ~own~ design, and "love" an "object" we've developed inside ourselves, that we can control, define, and limit... rather than love the person who we're ~with~ for ~themselves~, the way ~they~ were made... Selfish love, instead of Open love.
I struggle with this in a similar way, myself, now. Some of my family has this idea in their heads of who I am, who they've ~known~ me to be, because I was always too afraid to tell them before, like about my transgender identities... and, for now, it's somehow easier for them to think I've "just gone crazy" because to ~them~, it's new, and out of nowhere... while, to me, it's fresh, and alive, and has been with me every day of my life...
and I ~want~ to talk to them, and have them talk to me, about this stuff, but they don't want to right now... and it's hard for me to tell where to draw the line of letting them choose for themselves, how to be themselves, and at what point to I stop trying, and simply cut them out of my life... else risk that ~I~ try to push ~my~ ideas of what I want ~them~ to be like... Open and Accepting... from my point of view... but fear of supporting me in a "mental illness" from theirs... How can I tell which is true? And where do I draw the lines in decide what sort of treatment I will tolerate, and how much, before I leave them behind? To me, what they're doing is abusive, and to them, what they're doing is "helping"... which is why I can forgive what they do, to some extent... but it's still hard, sometimes, when I start worrying over much that... maybe they're right...
Still working on it, I guess =P