Originally Posted by pnggrad79
I hope it doesn't last forever, but how long will it take for me to not feel this terrible hurt and anger inside for all the lies and betrayal she has done to me?
My break=up with my emotionally f--ked-up and abusive Ex of 12 years was first characterized by a continuous angst that never let up! 8 months later whenever I came home from work to my house it felt like I found my dog hanging dead on the porch!
I realized that I had to change this mindset. The first thing I did was call the local auctioneer and told him to empty every room of everything except one. In that one room I placed a new mattress on the floor and put a few of my clothes, some things I had before I met him, a new alarm clock and a new cheap lamp.
He cleaned out the house and sold everything for $3000.00 With that money I had the house repainted, recarpeted and cleaned and put it up for sale.
The house sold in three weeks as I priced it below market value and bought a new car.
I moved into a furnished rental and started a new life.
The physical attachment of the house, car and belongings were dragging me back to the Identity of the failed abused martyr that I was for my Ex.
I see now that he was just a damaged suffering soul, but He was extremely toxic to me.
Years later I can feel compassion for him.
I bought a derelict barn on 8 acres with a grove of beautiful oaks and a spring-fed lake. I converted the barn into a funky artistic bungalow over 4 years while I slept on a mattress on the floor of the old bunkhouse which had an outdoor shower and outdoor kitchen.
I began to raise exotic animals for collectors and zoos. I had several Bunk Buddies who were also in transition who either shared the bunkhouse with me or camped under the trees.
The four most important are now my lovers. We formed a family-commune. Eventually two moved away and two stayed. Together we all learned that love is something to share.
We learned that possession and monogamy are the opposite of love. Our circle of folk with whom we share intimate love with is huge now, more that 30 people.
That is when I Joined the Radical Faeries and the Short Mountain Sanctuary.
PNgrad, I am only 3 years younger than you. There is a wonderful life ahead of you. There are people to love and people you need and who need you to grow and heal.
Close the door on this nightmare that you mistook for a dream, and open a new door to living.