Originally Posted by pnggrad79
I am glad Scottie that you were able to do that. And do it so well, my friend. Sounds like you got rid of a lot of the cobwebs and were able to convert old things into new and it helped heal your broken heart.
I have not seen her for a month tomorrow, and I haven't cried about her in days. I don't really miss her all that much. She was too high maintenance and I am done with high maintenance people. I see my life heading in a new direction and although I don't have the answers, I feel good for the first time in a very long time.
I don't have to be saddled with a newborn at the age of 50. I don't have to worry about her ever leaving me again and the emotional exhaustion that causes. I don't have to worry about jumping through hoops to please a person who constantly changes the rules and then doesn't bother to let you know what rules have been changed and then holds you strictly to them.
It will take awhile to heal but I feel good and like I am on the road to a new life. I am going back to school to work on my Masters and who knows where that will take me.
I am done with her and with that life. I look back at journals I kept and wonder why I stayed so long. She was always impossible to please and although I love her and possibly always will, it isn't enough to make a relationship with her again. I just can't cross over that line and trust her. She hasn't earned it. Not sure I would stay around long enough for her to earn it. Not sure she could ever make restitution for the years of heartbreak and soul hurt she has caused.
I want someone who loves me and doesn't try to make me into a clone of them. Is that so unreasonable?
I can hear the change in your tone! I can hear your conscious awareness awakening!
Great job! I know it wasn't easy or over yet.
There is a Dutch proverb:
"Once you are outside the door, you already have a great deal of the journey behind you."
Kudos! for walking out and closing the door.!
She will likely find another person to psycho-drama torture for gratification of what disturbs her....But it won't be youu!!!!! GRRR!!!!!! She returned need and ulnerability with exploitation and entrapment. It looked like love, but it wasn't
YOu have also established a direction! and you are making peace with your present
(very important!!!!!!) (Highlighted in red)
You are cultivating a Identity within you different from the one she manipulated. I have given my identities names so I can easily recognized them with my conscious mind.
When you are content with yourself, you will attract someone who is also content with herself. This will be the one that returns love with love.