Hi Tim and welcome! Hope you find yourself welcome here.
Sometimes when we deprive ourselves of physical needs and desires, it makes us want them a million times more. Sort of like dieting - if I tell myself I can never have ice cream, that's all I want 24/7.
I have struggled with my faith, especially since I accepted myself as gay. But God is always there with and for me, if nothing else to remind me to love myself, love others and live with compassion. If your heart is in the right place, how can that be wrong. I wish you much love, especially for yourself.
Read through the threads, there are so many conversations and many from those who went through ex-gay programs. It just doesn't work. Good luck and many blessings to you!
"Struggle is a never ending process. Freedom is never really won, you earn it and win it in every generation."
Coretta Scott King